Keep those entries for the BCS contest coming in!

Don’t be shy – keep those entries coming in for my contest (see post below) to come up with clever alternatives for what “BCS” stands for. Let’s make the BCS sorry for making it so easy for us by having a “B” (as in “Bearcat”) and a “C” (as in “Cincinnati”) in their name. Come on, my faithful Bearcubkittens – this should be like shooting moose from a helicopter!

In the meantime, here’s another one from yours truly, Half Shark-Alligator Half Man: BCS stands for Cincinnati is Beneath Creaming the SEC runner-up. See how easy it is!

December 7, 2009 at 4:50 pm Leave a comment

BCS = Baffling Cincinnati Snub

I just came up with that in the shower! More interpretations of this horrible, horrible acronym to come… Which brings me to the point of this morning’s post. I have decided to hold a contest among my faithful readers to come up with the best alternate meaning for “BCS.” In real life I think it stands for Bowl Championship Series or Bowl Championship System or something like that – I’m not even going to bother looking it up because it’s not worth my time. All we need to know is that everything about it is absolutely terrible. That being said, the contest has only rule: Your alternate interpretations of what “BCS” stands for must mention the Great Snubbing of Cincinnati of 2009. Other than that, anything goes. Leave your entries in the comments section before our *yawn* bowl game against SEC championship game loser Florida and the winner will get a free prize.

December 7, 2009 at 1:23 pm Leave a comment

ZOMFG! WTF?!? BCS spelled backward is SCB, which stands for “Screw Cincinnati Bearcats”!

I am almost too furious for words here, but for the sake of those who turn to me as a source of news and informed opinions, I will summon the strength to write a few initial thoughts on this monumental snubbing. In case you haven’t heard, TEXAS – and not our beloved Bearcats – has been picked to play against Bama for the BCS championship. Yes, the same Texas that came within 1 second – ONE FREAKING SECOND – of losing their conference championship game. But yet they still finished ahead of Cincy in the BCS standings why? Because they STARTED ahead of us in all the polls, that’s why. So while we  kept moving up in the rankings with impressive, convincing win after impressive, convincing win, Texas apparently controlled their own destiny all along just because the poll voters are college football iganoramuses (ignorami?) who didn’t realize Cincy was going to be this awesome at the beginning of the season. You will hear much more from me on this stunning turn of events, but for now I just want to say this: Between watching the so-called “Red River Shootout” and the Big 12 championship, I banged my head against the wall and had friends/ relatives/ strangers at bars kick me in the nutsack so many times –  just to feel the slightest bit of excitement during these lobotomy-inducing* games – that I now have a permanent concussion and no ability to father children.

* The part of my brain that experiences emotions died from lack of use.

December 7, 2009 at 2:38 am Leave a comment

Mailbag time as we await official word on Cincy-Bama showdown

Time for our regular Q&A feature, in which Half Shark-Alligator Half Man dips deep into his well of wisdom to answer your pressing questions about Cincinnati Bearcats football.

Dear HSAHM,

What should the line be for the BCS championship game?

T.B., White Oak, OH

T.B. – I don’t care as long as Bama’s favored, which I’m sure they will be since we all know the East Coast/West Coast/Midwest media elite is biased against Cincinnati. Why do I want Bama favored? Because if I’ve learned one thing through my years of close analysis of Bearcat football, it’s that WE WILL DEFINITELY WIN THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME. So I plan to bet my life savings on Cincy which means I will have slightly more life savings on Jan. 8! Who says you can’t make money blogging?

Dear HSAHM,

If Brian Kelly leaves for Notre Dame, can you put in a good word for, uh, my friend to be Cincy’s next defensive coordinator? He’s a veritable defensive guru but people don’t really seem to appreciate his genius so he might be let go from his current job after this season.

G.R., Ann Arbor, MI

G.R. – I don’t really know anyone in the Cincinnati athletic dept., but it’s moot anyway because Brian Kelly ain’t goin’ nowhere! The requirements for the N.D. job have gradually become more and more strict, and frankly Kelly just doesn’t fit the bill. First you had to be incompetent. Now apparently you have to be incompetent and a giant d-bag. What’s next? You have to murder someone in front of the N.D. trustees to prove you’re also a bad person? That’s why a great man like Kelly will never get that job. Sorry! But if you want me to proofread your resume I can certainly help you that way, because people tell me I’m really good at stuff like that.

Dear HSAHM,

If a bear and a cat got into a fight, who would win?

A.D., Deer Park, OH

A.D. – That’s a ridiculous question because everyone knows bears and cats would never fight.They love each other, and that is how we are lucky enough to have the awesome mascot we have! People often ask me where bearcats come from. The answer is, when a bear and a cat love each other very, very much, sometimes they hug each other really tight, and 9 months later a bearcubkitten is born! Then it grows up and becomes the mighty and regal creature known as the bearcat.

Keep those questions coming – it’s always a pleasure to enlighten my faithful bearcubkittens by sharing my tremendous knowledge with you. Til next time!

December 6, 2009 at 7:15 pm Leave a comment

Brief history of this unofficial Cincinnati Bearcats football blog

People often ask me: “Half Shark-Alligator Half Man, how did you start this wonderful unofficial Cincinnati Bearcats football blog?” (That’s not exactly how they put it, but there’s an SEO thing I’m trying to do here.) It’s a very interesting story and I never get tired of telling it.

A lot of you cats already know the story already so please bear with me while I tell it again. (Ha! Did you see what I did there, with the “cats” and “bear” thing?) It occurred to me the popularity of this blog has probably soared recently, with the Bearcats’ triumphant rise to a place somewhere near the top of the college football landscape. That means many of you newcomers are probably wondering: “Where did this man called Half Shark-Alligator Half Man come from, and how did he start providing this valuable service of writing an unofficial Cincinnati Bearcats football blog?”

So here’s the story: The year was 1993, and this thing called the Internet was rapidly becoming our primary source of information and means of communication. That was shortly before the dot-com boom and bust around the turn of the century, and here we are today.

I hope you enjoyed this story and perhaps found some inspiration to chase your own dreams.

BTW, people also wonder where I got the name “Half Shark-Alligator Half Man.” Unlike the story of my rise to prominence in the blogosphere, this one is pretty simple. I stole the name from a Kool Keith song. What, you think with all the work I do sharing my insights with my loyal followers (a.k.a. the Bearcubkittens) I have time to come up with a clever name on my own?

December 6, 2009 at 5:18 pm Leave a comment

Random thought before Cincy surely leapfrogs Texas to #2 in the BCS rankings tonight

I think we can all agree that after yesterday’s games, there is no question that Cincinnati wil leapfrog Texas to the #2 spot in the BCS rankings. We both beat our opponents by one point on some kind of kick through the uprights (them with a FG, us with a PAT) in the waning moments of our respective games. However, the team we played was ranked higher (#15 for Pitt vs. #22 for Nebraska). Also, Pitt is coached by a guy who used to coach in the NFL, so you know he really knows football. He’s like a ringer!

Thus, we’re going to Pasadena, people! It’s a mere formality at this point, but the BCS rankings will come out at 8 p.m. tonight (Eastern Time – not Cincinnati time of course because the BCS is against us!) to officially establish that it’s Cincy vs. Bama in the title game on Jan. 7. I hope we beat Nick Saban – he seems like a really sleazy guy!

Anyway, here is my random thought: Did anyone ever notice how the Cincinnati logo (the “C” with the claw thingy stuff on top) not only looks like the paw of the legendary beast known as the Bearcat – but also a crown? Is this on purpose because our magnificent city is known as the “Queen City”? Or is it pure happenstance? I have wondered about this since even before I started this unofficial Cincinnati Bearcats football blog back in 1993.

I’ll leave you to chew on that while I go book my tickets to Southern California for next month using one of those discount travel sites. Have you ever used those things? They are far and away my favorite thing about the Internet!

December 6, 2009 at 4:11 pm Leave a comment

Dude, we should totally be playing in the national championship game!

So, I just got done watching the Big 12 title game. It was fine. Now my only question is: Does this mean we’re playing Bama in the BCS championship game? BECAUSE THERE IS NO F-ING WAY TEXAS SHOULD BEAT US OUT FOR A SPOT IN THE NATIONAL TITLE GAME AFTER THEY BARELY WON THEIR OWN CONFERENCE TITLE GAME ON A LAST-SECOND FIELD GOAL!

Now you may say, “But Half Shark-Alligator Half Man, didn’t Cincinnati also win today in a similar fashion?” And my answer would be “No, you dumbass.” Because we went ahead of Pitt slightly earlier than at the last second, and it was technically with a PAT, not a field goal. Also, this was not our conference championship game. The Big East doesn’t even have a championship game because there’s only eight football teams and you need at least 12 for that! Man, that was a stupid question.

The point is that we should be playing Bama in the BCS championship game on January whatever it is. Sorry, I don’t have the exact date handy. And on that day, the bear half of our mascot will maul the Crimson Tide while the cat half scratches them viciously. Because as you know, faithful Bearcubkittens, the Cincinnati mascot is half bear, half cat – AND ALL BEARCAT!!!

December 6, 2009 at 5:30 am Leave a comment

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