It’s official, Cincinnati is a stepping-stone job

December 12, 2009 at 3:53 am Leave a comment

By now you’ve probably heard that our beloved Brian Kelly has left the “Queen City” and our fine institution for Notre Dame and South Bend, Indiana. First, let me say WTF is with all our head football coaches leaving for schools in the Midwest? What’s wrong with the Big East and our big, eastern brand of pigskin?

What’s that you say? Cincinnati is technically located in the Midwest and not the East? Well take a look at the name of our conference, smartass! And stop making me ask you all these rhetorical questions.

Anyway, I don’t really care that Brian Kelly left. Yes, we’ve done very well under him but I never really got too attached. He just got here three years ago, for one thing, and before that I was completely unaware of his existence on Planet Earth. He was at Central Michigan for three years and previously he worked for a while at a place called “Grand Valley State,” which is apparently a college in Michigan. So he’s been moving steadily up the ranks and now he’s got the most prestigious job in college football, and based on the recent track records of ND coaches his career will be ruined within five years.

So those are my parting thoughts on Brian Kelly. As for the Cincinnati head coaching job, enough with this being a freaking career stepping-stone already! Someone needs to come along and stay a good long time here and have lots of success and make the Cincinnati job a destination, not a stop on the way to bigger and better things.

And just who is the man to do that? Turner Gill and Skip Holtz (ironically, because his ultimate goal was to follow in daddy’s footsteps at ND, right?) are being mentioned, and I’m sure they’d both do a great job… for a few years. Then they’d move on to the next rung on their ladders (<—–metaphor!) as they continue their respective climbs to the top of the college football coaching world. No offense to these two gentlemen, but I just don’t see them staying at Cincy long-term.

We need a man with direct ties to the University of Cincinnati – a man who bleeds Bearcat blood when he cuts himself on something. Also, this man should have prior head coaching experience and at least two national titles. And it just so happens that there’s a candidate out there who fits all these criteria. His name? You guessed it: Urban Meyer.

Here’s my plan: Since we’re going to be seeing Urban Meyer at the Sugar Bowl soon anyway, we can trick him into getting on Cincinnati’s bus instead of Florida’s bus after the game. We can hire this actor, who is presumably looking for work at the moment, as a decoy. ———————->

His name is Matt McCoy, and he basically took over for Steve Guttenberg in the “Police Academy” movies once they got to #5 or so. Doesn’t he look like Urban Meyer?!?


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Don’t throw your career away, Brian Kelly! Plus: week 3 Welcome to the newest member of the Bearcats blogosphere!

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